Saturday

I am so annoyed by my day so far and it has not ever happened yet!

My daughter is going to see her “dad” (and yes that is the proper way to pronounce it with quotes and all).
I am sad and not because he dose not need to see her but because she did not want to see him and it has been months and now his birthday has pasted and he is having his mother call and innocently invite my daughter over and I do not mind… I got a card a week ago and told daughter that she should at least sign it, and at least send him the card but “no” she says, she did not want to, “I have my reasons”.
Now the grandmother calls and I hand the phone to daughter and all is swell again. Ping! Sterling and shiny and new… no I scream in my head! No you leave my child that I love alone and let me raise her, but I can not say that and the reality is he is her dad that pronounce “dad”. Derek is dad and even my dad is her dad at times…when she was 0-3 at least he was.
I just fear he is going to make her feel guilty and he will of course blame me… me and Derek. We are so bad you know… we are there for her homework, there when people hurt her feelings at school, there for school events all of them, we play games, we buy her things to wear and we even make sure she is doing well in life by providing love, and selflessness. We listen and we have set rules.
Now he who shacks up with a married woman that has two kids one in juvenile for sexually assault to a minor one that is mentally challenge because she was smoking during pregnancy and her dad, my lovely child’s “dad” let me tell you about him he is hateful, spiteful and dose not ever take blame for any thing. He has hurt my daughter by, not being there and saying that he will be there, I have (not recently) had to stay up nights and explain to the tear soak crumble and depress daughter that yes, he dose love and yes he is forgetful and then she grew up and decide for herself that he is the words person for her and she has waited half her life for him and she was done, until today… I guess I do care and I do not want my child around him. I think that I am putting too much in this but I have to because when she was born I was born too, I am her mom. He dislikes me because I do not care and I do go on with my life and have a nice life… blah we work our asses off and we do not drink, sniff or smoke it away is why we have a nice life. I will write more when she is done seeing him today.